Your intelligence amaze me

Haven't really felt for drinking that much lately and been trying to keep my body as healthy as possible while travelling. Besides smoking once in a while I have been focusing on eating vegetarian foods, get good sleep, training hard and surround myself with positive people.

When I was younger, actually only one year back I wanted to escape from what bored me. I felt like I had so much energy but the weight of a whole lot of emptiness in my life held me down. I drank way too much alcohol at least 2 days a week to feel like I was still alive somehow. The only thing that I found out of this was more feelings of being empty and even more lost.

I used to love doing sports and working out really hard because it made me happy when I got positive feedback and I felt proud of myself when progressing. By doing yoga in Nepal and Muay Thai in Thailand I am more aware of my body-health. Even in my mind I feel like I am becoming a different girl than before, a woman. Someone who want to make herself proud and do good. I follow my own path and leave when it is time to move on even when I am afraid to.

Walking home alone from Pae Pae's that Saturday night I felt calm. Wandering in the dark all by myself I thought of all the people still at the pub, it used to be me running around wondering why that girl drank water instead of alcohol. What was wrong with her? I used to think. I know I have an awarness towards getting caught in the wrong pattern but some people seems to follow their instincts more than intelligence and it's a shame to me. I never wanted to be like them and I know that I never will be even if I have to walk home alone a houndred times more. I enjoy my own company and I feel safer when being alone more than around other people sometimes. A choosen lonelyness is a strong one.

Suddently on the dark street I was walking someone passes me and I thought that maybe it was some of my friends from the pub going home as well. I had never seen the guy that stopped in front of me before and you offering me a ride home seemed like a good idea knowing that the dogs can be a little aggressive during the night. I could see so much pain in your eyes and even if I did not know why you where suffering I wanted to take some of it away and share it with you. I just didn't want you to carry it all alone.

You really challenged my ability or may I say inability to open up to someone I do not know. Sometimes I really thought you where crazy but it seemed that maybe you where only crazy to be close to me. The intensity was too much for me to handle and it seemed like you knew everything about my inside tho you said you couldn't understand me at all. Sometimes the way you approached me is the way I always wanted someone to and as I tried to push you away you only seemed to get even closer. 

I am still wondering what that was between us and I can't get my head around if it was real or not. I don't really think I ever will but that's fine by me because from you I learned something about myself. So thank you.